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Talking to Your Child about Sex & Sexual Abuse (adapted from Georgia Center for Child Advocacy)
Start Early
Children are already hearing about sex through the media and other children.
It is best to start talking with children about sexuality in early childhood.
Always be open and available and listen carefully to what your child asks.
Keep the language simple but always use correct terms.
Do not try to cover everything at once.

Is There Such a Thing as Giving Too Much Information?
No. Information does not encourage a child to be sexually active.
Most parents are uncomfortable talking about sex, so be open about this and don’t cover up your
feelings or avoid the issue.
Children just want to know that they are normal. So teach them that it is “normal” for everyone to be
different.
Answer honestly, and if you do not know an answer, look it up together.

Share your Family Values
Set good examples for children.
Be clear about your values and let them know other families may have different values.
Let children know what you expect of them and help them to understand consequences- Do not use
scare tactics.
Be encouraging- allow them to explore their thoughts and feelings about sexuality.

When a Young Child Asks…
“Where did I come from?”- give them a simple, straightforward answer like “You were made in
Mommy’s tummy, and that’s where you grew until you were ready to be born” or “ A seed from
Daddy and an egg from Mommy mixed together and formed a new baby- you.”
“What is sex?” – “Sex is a kind of cuddling Mommy and Daddy do to show how much they love each
other” or “Sex is a way grown ups who love each other can be as close as possible, to cuddle and kiss
in a special way.”
“How is the new baby going to get out of your tummy?”- Say something simple like “After a long
time, the baby grows too big for Mommy’s tummy, so it has to be born” or “After the baby gets too
big Daddy will take Mommy to the hospital, where the doctors can help the baby to be born.”
Provide older children with more specific information.

Talk to your Children about Sexual Abuse
Plan a time for you and your child to sit down and begin to discuss this topic.
Explain to your child what parts of the body are private and should never be touched by another adult
or child.
Let your child know that if anyone touches them in these private areas they must come and tell youno
matter who it is.
Use everyday opportunities to talk- if he is uncomfortable around a certain person, ask why. If he is
worried by something he sees or hears, talk about it.
Revisit the topic at different ages- talk to your child about relationships, boundaries and sexual abuse
from early childhood through the teenage years.
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Childhood Sexual Development (adapted from Georgia Center for Child Advocacy and Darkness to Light) Normal Sexual Development
Infancy - Birth to Age 2
Much of an infant’s learning is sensory related, focused on touch and smell. One of the first things they learn is their own body. Boys discover their penis around 7 months and girls discover their vulva around 9 months.
Infant boys have erections regularly and infant girls lubricate, but this not a response to erotic stimulation.
These are natural responses to touch, friction, or the need to urinate. Children at this age:
Learn about love and trust through relationships with caregivers
Develop a sense of trust
Learn and explore their bodies through the sense of touch, including their genitals
May have spontaneous reactions that appear sexual but are not (e.g., erection or lubrication)
Have no inhibitions about nudity
Begin to learn distinction between male/female and learn expected behaviors

Adults can facilitate healthy sexual development by:
Using correct terms for body parts
Modeling “comfortable” touch (e.g., hugs that are not forced upon the child)
Talking to child about boundaries as the opportunity arises (e.g., during diapering or bath, tell child that
genitals are off limits)
Toddler and Preschool Years - Ages 2 to 5
By the age of 3, children will have a clear sense of whether they are a boy or a girl and they will become very
curious about the opposite sex. Because genitals are usually covered, interest in these areas may be heightened.
This is a great opportunity to introduce the concept of privacy for themselves and others. Teach and
encourage the child to use correct terminology to describe genitalia: penis and vagina. Children at this age:
Develop language to describe genitalia
Should clearly know the differences between males and females and begin to understand male/female
roles
May know basics of human reproduction (e.g., babies grow inside mother’s tummy)
May show curiosity about adult genitalia (e.g., may try to see Mommy nude)
Have no inhibitions about nudity
May play house or doctor, or engage in consensual genital exploration with same-age peers
May masturbate often

Adults can facilitate healthy sexual development by:
Teaching child the difference between comfortable and appropriate touch, and uncomfortable and
unacceptable touch
Modeling comfortable touch by not forcing child to have physical contact (e.g., no forced hugs or kisses,
no wrestling if child protests)
Modeling privacy during bathing and toileting
Giving child permission to be private about his/her own nudity
Using everyday opportunities to teach the fundamentals of sexuality (e.g., if child asks questions about sex,
give simple and direct answers)
Teaching child that touching oneself feels good, is OK, and is done in private
Teaching child to respect others’ boundaries and privacy

Middle Childhood - Ages 5 to 8
Gender role socialization is heightened during this period and children tend to show a strong preference for
gender typed clothing and activity. Some children in this age range will masturbate, but only a minority; it will
increase again during adolescence. Children at this age:
Begin to have more stable friendships with children of the same sex
Will want to be liked their peers and start to feel peer pressure
May be affected by stories they hear in media about violence, sex, or drugs
Understand physical, behavioral, and emotional distinctions between males and females (gender identity
solidifies and stabilizes)
Should have a basic understanding of puberty (some children, especially girls, will show early signs of
puberty)
Should have a basic understanding of human reproduction
May understand differences in sexual orientation
Will begin to become modest about nudity
May masturbate or engage in consensual genital exploration with same-age (and/or same-sex) peers
Adults can facilitate healthy sexual development by:
Respecting child’s need for privacy
Being clear with child about respect for people’s boundaries and need for privacy
Talking with child about bodily responses, especially those that are precursors to sexual response (e.g., “it
feels good to touch one’s genitals), and about what is and is not appropriate during peer interaction
Modeling healthy, intimate adult relationships and effective communication
Teaching child about male and female puberty (by 7-8 years old)
Using everyday opportunities to teach child about sexuality and reproduction (children should know the
“birds and the bees” by no later than 9 years old; research also shows that children whose parents talk
with them about sexuality are less likely to become sexually active at an early age)

Recognizing Healthy Behavior
Why Children Masturbate
Masturbation is normal! There is nothing harmful to the child about masturbation itself. It does not cause
physical or emotional problems for the child. Children often begin masturbating at around 18 months and
will peak between ages 3-5.
For infants and toddlers, this usually involves body sensations, cuddling and touching, and playing with
toys.
Children will masturbate as part of natural curiosity about their bodies.
It can be a form of pleasure or method of self-soothing during times of stress.
Many children engage in sexual behavior and show sexual interest throughout their entire childhood.
These sexual behaviors are usually not overtly sexual, but are more exploratory and playful.

How Parents Should React to Masturbation
Remain calm. It is important for a parent not to overreact to masturbation.
If you catch a child in the act don’t act surprised and do not punish the child. Provide reassurance and
avoid saying anything that can cause guilt.
Punishment can lead to negative effects on the child’s self esteem, body image and later development of
sexual identity.
Explain that this is something that should be done in private (e.g., the child’s bedroom or bathroom).

Recognizing Unhealthy Behavior (from The Child Molestation Research and Prevention Institute, © 2007)
Signs a child is being abused
Touching genitals of others or inducing fear or threats of force
Sexually explicit conversations with significant age difference
Repeated peeping, exposing, obscenities, or pornographic interest
Oral, vaginal, anal penetration of dolls, other children, or animals
Any genital injury or bleeding not explained by accidental cause
Sexualizing relationships or preoccupation with sexual play
Masturbation is constant

Inappropriate Sexual Exposure
Any form of sexual activity with adolescents and adults
Viewing pornography or other sexually explicit material
Witnessing sexual behaviors between adults
Sexual play with another child that is 2 or more years younger or older, or with a child who has more
sophisticated sexual knowledge
A child who forces any sexual activity whatsoever

Inappropriate Sexual Behaviors
Preoccupation with sexual themes, displaying sexually aggressive behaviors
Sexually explicit conversations
Precocious sexual knowledge (e.g., terminology, sexual positions)
Preoccupation with masturbation
Simulating foreplay with dolls or peers
Engaging in sexual behaviors in public, such as sexual exposure, rubbing or masturbation

Identifying Children with Possible Sex-Specific Problems
Any child using sexual language beyond his or her age group. This suggests that the child has been looking
at sexual material or engaging in sexual behavior beyond his or her age group
Any child who acts out sexually at school
Any child who continues to engage in chronic sexually harassing behavior after an adult has told the child
to stop
Any child who others report as having excessively sexually provocative behavior
Any child attempting to get another child or adult nude, especially at school or outside of home
Any child who is overly attentive to younger children (2+ years younger)
Any child suspected of having a sexually transmitted disease

References:
Child Molestation Research and Prevention Institute. (2007). P.O. Box 7593. Atlanta, GA 30357.
www.childmolestationprevention.org.
Darkness to Light. (2007). 7 Radcliffe St., Ste. 200 Charleston, SC 29403. www.darknesstolight.org
Georgia Center for Child Advocacy. (2007). 202 Nelson Ferry Rd. Decatur, GA 30030.
www.georgiacenterforchildren.org
Lipton, Matthew and Weber, Susan J. (1990). “Sexuality Education at Home: The Caring Parent’s Guide.”
www.region.peel.on.ca/health/commhlth/parov1yr/ptplan.htm
Rich, Phil, Ed.D., MSW. (2002). “Recognizing Healthy and Unhealthy Sexual Development in Children.”
www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/child_behavior/sexdev.
Talk with your Kids. (2007). “How to Talk to Your Kids About Anything.” www.talkingwithkids.org/first.html
Vanclay, Mary. (2007). “How to talk to your child about sex.” Parent Center. www.//parentcenter.babycenter.com/