BEAUTY

today's lecture: BEAUTY

beautiful legs, beautiful breasts, beautiful neck, beautiful throat, beautiful eyes, beautiful cheeks, beautiful hips, beautiful ass, beautiful face, beautiful lips, beautiful, eyes, beautiful, hair, beautiful hands, beautiful shoulders, beautiful necklace, beautiful lipst
.....fashion~ boots~ purses~ heels~ jewelry~ scarves : beauty?
..... lipstick.... hair coloring.... eye shadow... mascara: beauty?
......a look> a feeling> a face> a model: beauty?
beautiful. that is beautiful, she is beautiful, it is beautiful, those are beautiful breasts, that is a beautiful ass, those are beautiful eyes, that is a beautiful leg, she is beautiful, her hair is beautiful, her dress is beautiful, her eyelashes are beautiful, her skin is beautiful, her ankle is beautiful, she is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, i want her, i want her, i need her, i need it, i need to be with the beautiful, i want to be beautiful, what is beautiful, how can i be beautiful? what do i need to do to become beautiful? how will i get to be beautiful? why can't i be beautiful? why is she beautiful? full of beauty, bountiful, beautiful, bountiful, full of bounty. Bounty hunter, head hunter, beautiful. Beautiful huntress, hunting beauty. beauty and bounty. i want the bounty. i want to be her, i want to be beautiful. i am not beautiful because i want to be beautiful, therefore i am not beautiful. i am only wanting to be beautiful. i am waiting. they say i am beautiful, but she is more beautiful, i cannot be as beautiful as she is beautiful. there is only so much beauty, only a certain beauty now, the beauty can never be me, i am not beautiful or bountiful, but she is beautiful over there, she is very beautiful over there. she has better skin, hair, breasts, legs, belly, arms, face, she is more beautiful, they are more beautiful than i am, i am not beautiful.
and then
i saw her yesterday. i saw her in my store, i saw her there where she didn't belong, her greasy hair, hair on her face, prickly stubs sticking out from a dark mole on her cheek, baggy pants, sallow skin, loose skin, round body, flabs of pink skin hanging, messy clothes nothing ironed, no make-up, there she was existing, how dare she exist this way, she is existing, i see her existing, only existing, nothing noticeably obvious to hold onto, no image, no trying, nothing, she is nothing, no straining to be beautiful, she is ugly, ugly, ugly, the image so ugly this bag lady needs to go away, ignore her, just ignore her, she isn't trying, she isn't doing one damn fucking thing to be beautiful, well she could never be beautiful, she needs to go away and hide, she isn't helping us be beautiful, she is staring at me, she is making me look at her, i don't want to be look at her not trying, now i am unable not to know she exists, of course she is existing, she isn't trying to be beautiful, i am not going to be able to ignore her, she isn't ignoring me, she is making me feel beautiful, she is looking at me and making me feel beautiful, she is looking at me and making me feel like crying and not trying, now i see her, i see her, she is beautiful, i see her, i see her beauty, how do i see beauty? she sees me trying, my trying and i am watching her, through my tired, sad eyes of trying and seeing nothing, being invisible, searching for beauty, i watch her, she is not waiting, she is not waiting to become beautiful, she is looking at me waiting, she is smiling with her dirty teeth, her hairy chin, her peaked sallow cheeks, tired puffy eyes, greasy hair rubbing her dirty collar, her eyes fixated on my waiting, she is smiling, she is giving her beauty, i see now her beauty, our eyes meeting where there is nothing but beauty, i see her eyes and her beauty, her love and her knowledge of beauty, her peace and her acceptance of her nothing invisibility, she is giving me some kind of non-waiting love, she is giving me permission to find her ugly beauty, she is beautiful, i am ashamed because she is so beautiful and i am so ugly, i want to be her, i want to be invisibly nothing like her, i want to be not waiting to be beautiful, i want to be more invisible than i already am, she is visibly beautifully invisibly beautiful, she is out of the running for beauty, she is out of the competition for beauty, she cares nothing for the need or desire for the unreal beauty, she is peace, she is full of bounty, full of nothing, nothing, nothing, she is invisibly beautiful, she is full of beauty, whose beauty? what beauty? invisible beauty, nothing, nothing, nothing, who wrote the book of beauty? she is nothing in the book of beauty, to be nothing is to be not beautiful, they say, so they say, now i see the nothing, now i see that nothing is true beauty, to be nothing in the book of beauty, to be nothing is to be beautifully invisible, empty, beauty, empty, full of beauty, filled up on beauty years, experiences, life, angers, sadness, grieving, loss, loves, joys, thrills, orgasms, longing, filled up with life, with beauty, full of beautiful life: gray hair, wrinkles, ancient eyes, infant eyes, body of wonder, body of proof, body of birth, body of odors, body of hair, body of milk and blood, body of womb, beautiful beautiful beautiful, she is beautiful, rage and sage, nag and rag, beautiful sagging hag beautiful, she touches my arms filled with waiting, she looks into my eyes filled with waiting, she gives me her bounty full of beauty, she leaves me empty, she is turning and going and leaving me empty. now i can fill up and spill over with bounty, i am beautiful.
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what is beauty in woman? what do we grow up seeing, hearing, thinking about beauty and then spending all our time trying to copy this idea, this spoon-fed belief about beauty and ourselves, our bodies? what was your idea of beauty? how were you taught to think about beauty for the female who is called woman? "one is not born, but rather becomes a woman...[simone de beauvoir, 'the second sex']...that each person is unique, and it is culture which has enforced a uniform set of expectations of what is "feminine," as contrasted to what is "human" which is equated with what is male" and so i pose that the female can free herself from the imposed belief that beauty is something she must work towards to 'become' rather than beauty being a reality of existence and has nothing to do with being the OTHER separate from the male who is taught to see the female as WOMAN who is born to serve in many ways. You must fill in the blanks yourself about this serving society as 'woman,' what it means about beauty and the trying, taking up precious time, as Beauvior says 'you must make individual decisions and [take] collective action'....have discussions about beauty, with yourself and with others, FOR the female collective, our daughters and granddaughters. I believe the female can be freed from the tethers of being defined as 'womanly' and all that entails to MAKE it happen, the unending tiring trying in the search for the bounty of beauty.
I believe beauty is the seed, the core of our existence, at birth, as female, not woman, all that we have to not be undone, but to embrace and the female's most important work is to re-claim this truth and reality.
The importance in this one ACT and the magnitude of its effect on the female life cannot be quantified or qualified.
world without end [because of the female]
Ah-WOMB-on
world without end